Rosenberg's nine rules of journalism

A hilarious column by Michael Rosenberg of the Detroit Free Press on the nine rules of journalism. (Thanks to Danny Sanchez at Journalistopia for the outpoint.)

Among the rules:

-- Be balanced. No matter what anybody says, find somebody to say the opposite. If a scientist claims to have a cure for cancer, find somebody who says cancer does not exist. If a man says "My name is Fred," make sure you find somebody who says "No, your name is Diane." Etc.

-- If the President of the United States is accused of violating the law on the same day that an African country erupts into civil war and an especially gloomy economic report is released, and you must decide which one is your lead story, ask yourself this: Did the local sports team just win a big game?

-- Internet, Schminternet. It will be gone in five years. People will always love reading a newspaper -- and so will you, our intrepid reporter, once you accept our buyout offer.

-- When working at the New York Post, make sure your story includes all six W's: Who, What, When, Where, Why and With What Kind of Lubricant.

Go read the rest. Have a good laugh.