BONG 695

This week's BONG Bull from Charley Stough has suggestions on how to answer those thorny questions about your newspaper's future (sample below), and Herman and Typo clear the path to the press box at the Olympic Stadium.

There's even a visual, now, of the "Deft Duo" from Chagrin Falls produced by Don Vanderbeek.
To subscribe, drop Charley a line at bongstuff@yahoo.com.

(Sample of Newspaper Buyout FAQs)

A staffer from a formerly major newspaper company that has just announced a 14 percent reduction in force. prepared these, suggesting they might be useful for other newspapers cutting staff:

Q. Why are we reducing the number of employees?
A. We have too many to be profitable.

Q. If we got rid of everybody, would we finally be profitable?
A. Probably.

Q. People say that the newspaper industry is out of step with modern communications and there’s no future in it. Is that true?
A. You really need to define what you mean by “future.”

Q. Does the newspaper industry have a future through August?
A. Absolutely.

Q. Through October?
A. No.

Q. Does this have anything to do with the publisher’s stock options?
A. Only indirectly.

Q. Why do we need to get rid of so many employees?
A. We want people to understand that even after the cutbacks, six of seven people will still have their jobs.

Q. How about me?
A. You’re one out of seven.

Q. When will the company decide if it needs to involuntarily furlough employees?
A. After we learn how many people have volunteered to take the severance package, we will sit down with department heads and analyze the results. We will then determine the numbers of employees that might be involuntarily separated, and we’ll decide which people should be separated.

Q. Who is most at risk of losing their jobs in that situation?
A. The people who ask questions in employee briefings.